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Weekend Trifectas

Posted by Charles P. Pierce  October 29, 2010 10:02 AM

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C'mon, Chilly. Do it. Give us all a Treat.

I swear, you can become my favorite football coach of all time. Tell Brett Favre to return to his fainting couch, that you're planning to start Tarvaris Jackson Sunday night, and that The Streak is history. Imagine the chaos. The Sunday night NBC crew will have to crate up all those adjectives again; I can't imagine what might happen on the set. St. Tony Dungy might have to lay hands on Peter King to get the poor feller breathing again. ("Extra! Extra! Read all about it!/Football expert in a miracle cure!/Extra!" Thanks, Pete.) Al Michaels will start having flashbacks again to the night he personally brought Godless Communism to its knees. And Cris Collinsworth...well, This Blog likes Cris Collinsworth, so it will just point out that he could get down with his bad self and celebrate the new leader of the Vikings with a number from a famous New Bedford crew of homonyms.

In related developments...

Three College Games Worth Watching

Missouri v. Nebraska: Missouri had a big win over Oklahoma last week while Nebraska -- which has three of the top 10 rushers in the Pius XII Conference, or whatever the league's called this week -- came off a loss to Texas to crush previously unbeaten Oklahoma State. "Previously Unbeaten" is a phrase with which Mizzou should become familiar. Nebraska 35, Missouri 17. 

Florida v. Georgia: The Annual Projectile Vomiting From The Back Of A Pickup Bowl. This is where the mullets meet the road. I'll pay the referee a shiny American nickel if, after announcing who has won the toss, he yells, "FREE BIRD!" very loudly. Georgia 27, Florida 24. 

Auburn v. Mississippi: And the BCS situation clarifies itself further as Ole Miss wins what amounts to its bowl game for this season. And everybody at Boise State climbs the glacier to celebrate. Mississippi 20, Auburn 17.

Three Pro Games Worth Watching That Do Not Involve The Patriots

Washington v. Detroit: Somebody in Washington revived Albert Haynesworth, which must have taken a defibrillator with paddles the size of Stop signs. A great match-up of players who do not play against each other -- Haynesworth in the middle for the Redskins and the redoubtable House Of Spears for the Lions. Fred Smerlas is going to think he died and went to nose-tackle heaven. Washington 23, Detroit 7.

Pittsburgh v. New Orleans: You want a crucial injury? We got yer crucial injury right here. Steeler DE Aaron Smith tore a bicep muscle last week and likely is out until the beginning of 2011, at least. Smith has missed 15 games in four years. Without him, Pittsburgh is 7-8 and gives up 22 points a game. New Orleans 30, Pittsburgh 17.

Seattle v. Oakland: If only to begin the process of seeing if the 59 points that Oakland put on Denver last week is more points than the Raiders will score for the rest of the season. The Raiders will be handicapped because their iconic owner faces his busiest day of the year.


Seattle 30, Oakland 27.


Three Patriot Players Worth Watching

1) Devin McCourty: Has been handed The Moss Account by the home office.

2) Matt Light: Jared Allen? Ray Edwards? Your table is ready.

3) Pat Patriot: It's Throwback Week and Halloween, so everyone's going to trick-or-treat as the 1967 New England Patriots. No, wait, that team was 3-10-1. Damn.


Three Other Things Worth Watching

1) The Last Weekend Of Those Commercials: No more of Tim Cahill's kids, or that big scary dog sitting next to Karen Polito. What's the message there? Vote for me or my pal Spike here will rip out your throat?

2) Bolton Wanderers v. Liverpool: As John Henry vows not to sell off his best players -- He is said to be "rubbishing" those reports -- the lads come off the big win against the Blackburn Rovers and face the Wanderers in what I believe is a critical game for the top spot in the Dion DiMucci Division of the EPL. 

3) Australia v. Ireland: The last match in this year's International Rules football championship. (International Rules is a compromise hybrid between Aussie Rules and Irish football. In many ways, it differs from MMA only in the number of visible tattooes.) The visitors won the first test, 47-40 in Limerick last week. The home side can still take the series by outscoring Australia by more than seven points at Croke Park on Saturday. But This Blog finds the relative lack of Kerry players on the Ireland side...disturbing.

 The Charlie On The MBTA Three-fer Random IPod Shuffle

1) Truck Stop Girl (Little Feat) 

2) My Captain (Muddy Waters)

3) House On The Lake (Rosanne Cash)

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