In case you missed it Tuesday night, Bobby Valentine spoke openly about the worst Red Sox season in nearly half a century for the first time since being fired as Red Sox manager. Valentine chose to voice his opinions on The Season Gone Wrong in typical Valentinian fashion: he appeared on national television as a guest on Bob Costas's "Costas Tonight" show.
The interview itself was a letdown. Costas failed to bring the heat. He asked questions in a way that made it seem as if Valentine was nothing more than a victim, and he was quite gentle on the former Sox manager. Instead of asking what the coaching staff could have done better, Costas asked if Valentine felt undermined or supported. He didn't press Valentine about his relationship with ownership or Ben Cherington, even after Valentine hinted that the relationship with Cherington was not ideal.
And so, since we were hoping for a bit more juicy details in the interview, we've come up with a list -- both serious and facetious -- of questions we would have asked Valentine if we were in Costas's shoes.
- In your opinion, what ultimately doomed the Red Sox in 2012?
- How many times did you play cribbage/trash-talk with Dustin Pedroia?
- Have you ever heard of suspending a player for throwing a temper tantrum and why did Alfredo Aceves' behavior reach the point that he required that type of punishment?
- Who has more swag, David Ortiz or his son?
- What happened between you and Kevin Youkilis, and what is the current state of your relationship?
- Which brand of antacid did you require during the season and at what point did you have to switch to the extra-strength version?
- When you say that David Ortiz gave up on the season, do you feel like any other players also gave up on the team/season? If so, who and when? We want names.
- Does John Henry always speak in that quiet, subdued voice? What does John Henry yelling sound like?
- What was managing Josh Beckett like and why did it not work out for him in Boston?
- WEEI or 98.5 The Sports Hub?
- Considering the amount of injuries the team had, would it have been possible/how could the team have finished better than last in the AL East?
- How hilarious would it have been to have you, Manny Ramirez and Pedro Martinez in the same clubhouse?
- What is it like to manage a losing, crabby team knowing you'll be fired? What helped you finish out the season?
- Which players sent you text messages that made you cry? Which players never spoke to you again after the end of the season? We want names. And phone numbers. Possibly addresses as well.
- How close is this Red Sox team to making the necessary attitude changes needed before becoming a winning organization once again?
- Would you consider doing a duet with Taylor Swift about your break-up with the Red Sox? We hear she's good at writing break-up songs.
- How much of the drama reported by the media this season actually happened? What can you flat out confirm and flat out deny?
- Since you claim to have invented the wrap sandwiches, do you ask for free wraps when you go to restaurants that are not your own?
- Would you still have applied to be the manager of the Boston Red Sox last season had you known then what you know now about the organization and the players on the Red Sox?
- Obama or Romney?
That's our list. If you could have asked Bobby Valentine a question last night, what would you have asked? Or, how do you think Bobby Valentine would have answered some of these questions?
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