Obnoxious Boston Fan

Ten Sports Just for the Boston 2024 Olympics

The 2024 Olympics could be coming to Boston, and they may bring some unique events with them.Photo/2024 Boston

The 2024 Olympic Opening Ceremony at Thomas M. Menino Memorial Floating Stadium anchored in Boston Harbor will create thousands of lifetime memories for those in attendance, those stuck in traffic on their way to the venue, and the billions watching world wide on their smartphones and tablets.

If it happens.

Technology, traffic, and temporary venues won't be the only hallmarks of these would-be Games in the Athens of America.

There could be a slew of new, old, and special sports scheduled just for Hub. Here's an exclusive look at the early list of the proposed medal activities for these Games.

10. The Running of the Brides: Ten rounds. 20 contestants and three dresses in each round. Here's the kicker: The winners actually have to fit into their dresses. And those dress range in all sizes: From 0 to Shaq. The medal round features the surviving 30 contestants going for the gold, silver, and Pnina Tornai. The "Hunger Games" have nothing on this.

9. Parallel Parking. You can't survive in Boston without it [although this too-good-to-be-true clip is from New York.] While many cars will be parking themselves in nine years, the skill to do will be worthy of tribute and reward.

8. The Dunks Run. From Hopkinton to Boston. You've got to carry a regular with extra cream all the way, without spilling a drop. This one might not be a lock for the U.S. Dunkin Donuts is now opening 1,400 stores in China. You'd better double-check their "expresso shots" on that team.

7. Green Line Obstacle Course. You get a $10 Charlie Card. Go from North Station, to the MFA, to Cleveland Circle, over to Riverside, and back to Park Street. Blindfolded. While everyone else is trying to get home from work.

6. Football [Sort Of]: The best gamers from all over the world spend the entire two weeks during the Olympic Games playing Madden 25 on XBox. The gold goes to player with the sharpest skills and strongest bladder. Johnny Manziel might be starting by then.

5. Lobster Catch. This combines a New England classic with the best Olympic divers in the world. One platform. One Boston Harbor. Ten divers. Three marked lobsters. Go. First one caught gets the gold, second silver, third bronze. The rest get free lobster rolls made from the crustacean contestants.

4. Red Sox Clicker Toss. The anger and frustration felt across Red Sox Nation each season translated on the world stage. Medals go to the furthest and fastest TV clicker thrown during a Red Sox loss televised on NESN. [The smart players wait for the Sullivan Tire commercials for extra incentive.] By 2024, Xander Bogaerts should be about on the verge of starting to break through and approaching the cusp of realizing his potential. We hope. If by some chance Henry Owens turns out to be half as good as we've been led to believe, he would have left via free agency by then.

3. Synchronized Road Rage. Anyone can flip off the guy in the Avalon who doesn't know how to use his f--kin' blinker. Can you do it in tandem, while heading over the Zakim Bridge, at night, in the rain?
Get your damn eyes off the phone and on the road.

2. WWE Wrestling. They're trying to get rid of wrestling in the Olympics, although the Greeks wrestled during the ancient games in Olympia. Those matches only ended when one combatant finally submitted. If real wrestling is gone from the Olympics by 2024, the Boston Olympics could usher in the days of WWE Olympic wrestling. The McMahon Family once ran the old WWF and Titan Sports from the Cape Cod Coliseum. That's your historic tie. Bruno Sammartino will only be 89. And West Newbury native John Cena most likely would still be a gold-medal favorite. If you don't believe me, it might be time for an Attitude Adjustment.

1. Baseball. No bull, just baseball. The same baseball that's been booted out of the Olympic Games. If there isn't baseball during a Summer Olympics in Boston, that will be the real joke.

The OBF column is written by award-winning journalist and Bay State native Bill Speros. Bill has reported for ESPN, CBSSports.Com, and was a sports/deputy sports editor at the Orlando Sentinel, Denver Post, and several other newspapers. Reach Bill on the OBF Facebook page, on Twitter @realOBF or at his
OBF email Address
. Thanks always for reading.

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