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Obnoxious Boston Fan

Bill Belichick's Magic Cure-All For Life's Woes: 'We're On to Cincinnati


Bill Belichick has provided us with some interesting boilerplate quotes during his reign as Patriots coach, GM and Dark Lord.

"It is what it is" has become one of his monikers.

"Do Your Job" has become the stuff of t-shirts for some of his players.

"Improving in all areas of the game" is another one of his gems.

During Wednesday's weekly press gaggle, Belichick added another verbal masterpiece to his limited repertoire.

"We're on to Cincinnati" was the coach's response when asked about the team's woes that were exposed during Monday night's 41-14 demolition at the hands of the Kansas City Chiefs.

Poof. And just like that, with those four simple words, the team's troubles were gone.

Of course, Sunday's game is in Foxborough. Belichick's answer was as much metaphorical as it was geographical or team-centric.

New York Jets coach and podiatrist Rex Ryan tried it, with a twist, before his weekly press conference later in the day.

"Obviously, on to San Diego. Ok here we go. Can we just move on?" Ryan said, trying to defuse criticism of his team's current woes and QB issues.

For just a second, if you watch that clip, you forget that the Jets are the worst football franchise this side of the XFL.

"We're on to Cincinnati" could have far-reaching implications beyond One Patriot Place or the football field.

It's really the perfect answer for any of life's toughest challenges. Way better than alcohol, cigarettes, drugs or excess carbohydrates. It has zero calories or side-effects.

Just try it. Delusion and denial never felt so complete.

For instance, your boss catches you watching that latest NSFW video featuring untoward language and nudity on company time.

"What do you have to say for yourself, Bob?"

"We're on to Cincinnati, sir" would stop Boss Man in his tracks.

At home, your wife finds out you spent another $300 to enter six more fantasy football leagues this season.

"Honey, why did you spend that much money on fantasy football?"

"Dear, we're on to Cincinnati."

Speechless.

When it's time to break up with your significant other, try this to ease the pain:

"Sweetheart. It's not you. It's not me. We're on to Cincinnati."

Drop that line and you'll definitely stay friends on Facebook.

The Red Sox just found their automatic out in the offseason, as opposed to all of those automatic outs that littered their lineup during the regular season.

Whenever concerns are raised about the lack of starting pitching, stability in the outfield or consistent left-handed hitting from anyone not named David Ortiz, Larry Lucchino and Ben Cherington have the perfect response.

"We're on to Fort Myers."

Ditto for the Celtics, who begin Tankapalooza II in just four weeks.

"We're on to ping-pong balls."

How about the Bruins, who have made absolutely zero significant improvements in the offseason?

"We're on to another collapse against Montreal in the playoffs."

In this election season, "We're on to Cincinnati" could become a valuable tool whenever a candidate is faced with a challenging question.

Scott Brown, Jeanne Shaheen, Martha Coakley and Charlie Baker, fell free to borrow this rejoinder whenever it comes in handy. We're a non-partisan entity.

The first one who uses it in a tough spot might just win his/her race.

"Senator Brown, what about all those campaign contributions from big oil?"

"Once again Senator Shaheen wants to dodge the important issues like terrorism and Obamacare. She seems to be on to Cincinnati."

That's worth a 10-point bump in the polls among ticked-off Patriots fans.

When you're pulled over for going 82 on the Mass Pike and are asked by the Statie why were you going so fast. "We're on to Cincinnati" could provide both a literal and figurative answer.

Kids, you too can get in on this "Get Out of Jail Free" card. Just try it.

"Son, why did you steal your sister's iPhone."

"We're on to Cincinnati, dad. Seriously."

What parent wouldn't love a kid who came back with that logic?

While the Patriots season teters on the brink on of mediocrity, at least it's already given us one lasting legacy.

As far as excuses for this column.

"We're on to Cincinnati.


The OBF column is written by award-winning journalist and Bay State native Bill Speros. Bill has written and reported for ESPN, CBSSports.Com and was a sports/deputy sports editor at several metro daily newspapers. Reach Bill on the OBF Facebook page, on Twitter @realOBF or at his
OBF email Address
. Thanks always for reading.

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