Obnoxious Boston Fan

SNL takes swing at David Ortiz, White House selfie [watch]

Ortiz on SNL Red Sox DH David Ortiz [with some help from Kenan Thompson] paid a visit to SNL this week to talk about Selfiegate.

David Ortiz and his selfie at the White House stole the show during this week's "Saturday Night Live." Ortiz, played with hilarity and a perfect accent by Keenan Thompson, told "Weekend Update" co-anchor [and Harvard grad] Colin Jost that he was paid "100,000 . . . chickens" by Samsung for his photo with the president.

Ortiz said he had a "big Dominican lunch" at the White House, including empanadas, tostadas, and that he and the president were cool despite the selfie flap. Ortiz, in his own way, said he didn't know that taking a promotional selfie for Samsung with the president would be a problem. "It's a problem? I don't know? I talked to Sam's son, I talked to Sam, they said it was no problem."

What about "Samsung"? Ortiz talked about that company, too. "Giant-ass phones. Is that a television or a phone? Samsung Galaxy, if it can't fix into my pants, that's a problem."

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The real Ortiz was somewhere in the New York area Saturday. The Red Sox lost to the Yankees 7-4 earlier in the day and play again in the Bronx Sunday night.

Of all the foods and dishes Ortiz rattled off to Jost, it's apparent he loves chicken so much, he also does ads for Chik-Fil-A. "Call me at Chik-Fil-A, unless you're gay. That's their slogan, not mine."

Among his other commercial pitches: "Bats for bats" and "Do you suffer from depression? Don't! . . . Why you be sad?"

Big Papi said he's cool with the president and sent him a big basket of food featuring "El Presidente" beer, "the beer no Presidente has ever drunk."

Much of the rest of the show was disappointingly forgettable given Seth Rogen was taking his third turn as host.

The new CNN Take Home Pregnancy test - which was an in-your-face satirical smackdown on the network's coverage of the missing Malaysian Airlines jet - was the non-Ortiz highlight. The device is relentless in searching for a pregnancy with a series of endless, annoying, non-information, breaking-news alerts. It's the best way CNN can keep telling you that it knows nothing, There are alerts for the daytime and nighttime. And when CNN tells you you're pregnant, there's a 15 percent chance it's accurate. The couple in this ad finally learned they were pregnant when mom [Vanessa Bayer] walks in with a baby.

Taylor Swift, Zooey Deschanel and James Franco stopped by during Rogen's monologue after he said he didn't need to rely on cameos this time as host. Rogen said he had pranked Franco by posing as an underage girl online but that Franco was "unfazed."

"You're getting very upset and whenever a man shows emotion, I appear," Swift said.

Franco, 35, was in the news last week after admitting he tried to hook up with a 17-year-old girl at a hotel via Instagram.

The musical guest, Ed Sheeran, and Swift collaborated on her 2012 hit "Everything Has Changed" from her "Red" album. He performed "Sing" and "Don't."

"The New Face of the Republican Party" visited the Coachella Festival in a failed attempt to be hip. Jeb Bush [Beck Bennett] and Paul Ryan [Taran Killam] introduced OutKast, which reunited at the real-life Coachella Festival Friday night.

They tried to connect with younger voters by promising not to talk about gay marriage so much and pushing policies to help the concert-goers get back to work. That one didn't go over so well.

"When you think of the old GOP, I'll bet you think of George W. Bush," Jeb Bush said.

D.J. Rand Paul was spinning on the turntables after Ryan flashed his "guns" to display his support of the second amendment.

"Jacob the Bar Mitzvah Boy" [Bayer] returned to talk about Passover and tried not to be embarrassed by the extra attention he got from "Weekend Update" co-anchor Cecily Strong. "The only forced labor I know, is listening to my brother Ethan practicing his music rock band!" Ethan also broke into tears after Strong reminded him that Derek Jeter is retiring after this season.

Deal with it, kid.

Al Sharpton's time as an FBI informant inspired "Undercover Sharpton." Thompson was brilliant as usual in playing the commentator and political activist. "This really happened, look it up."

Aidy Bryant, who continues to develop as the break-out star of this season, was immobilized at a steak dinner with her husband, Rogen, struggling to meet her needs. She couldn't move her arms and let everyone know it, time and time again. He's eventually "fed" up with it. When she told him him to cut it [her steak] he cut something else. "I knew what you meant when you said 'cut it' but I wanted you to suffer," he said.

"Blue River Dog Food" never skimps on ingredients, thankfully. A woman [Cecily Strong] couldn't get over the fact that she and her husband [Rogen] had been feeding "Big Name Brand Dog Food" to their pup that didn't contain actual chicken and the guilt and anger was too much to contain. She loses it over Big Name Brand Dog Food and is angry that he's not angry. She eventually has a complete breakdown. "I want someone from that company to look my dog in the face and say they're sorry . . . then they can go blow their brains out . . . Our dog is brain dead from eating literal trash dog food his whole life."

Rogen turns 32 Tuesday. Seems like he's been at least that old for years, given some of his recent movie roles. [Save for that turn in the hilarious "This Is The End" with Franco]. Rogen and his real-life wife, Lauren Miller, have taken a serious turn in becoming advocates for Alzheimer's awareness and created "Hilarity for Charity" to help in that task among young people.

Franco also appeared in a digital short where he went from "Jim" to "James" after undergoing surgery that transformed him from a monster to a regular human.

The show returns live for the final stretch run of the season on May 3 after an Easter break with Andrew Garfield and Coldplay.

[You can watch the entire episode via NBC's "SNL" site here.]

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