New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, suspended Yankee third-baseman Alex Rodriguez and embattled singer Justin Bieber were all slayed in the opening of "Saturday Night Live," which returned after a four-week holiday break.
Speaking to Piers Morgan [Taran Killam] Christie said he was past the "Bridgegate" scandal and wanted the Garden State to go back to what it was once known for, which included "organized crime, pizza, no-show jobs and fuggedaboutit."
A-Rod [host and musical guest Drake] told Morgan his next move included "suing steroids for being inside me and Jackie Robinson for breaking into the major leagues and causing this in the first place." Speaking in a Hispanic accent, he blamed his incriminating text messages to PED dealer Tony Bosch on "auto-correct," say innocent messages were turned into things like this:
He's also suing his iPhone and "the dictionary."
Bieber - nailed with brilliance by Kate McKinnon - said he threw eggs at his neighbor's house because "I thought my neighbor was a chicken so I was just returning its kids."
Drake referenced his days on "Degrassi: The Next Generation" and used his monologue to "reminisce" about his Bar Mitzvah.
Drake recalled that the affair marked the first time the black and Jewish sides of his family met, while rapping: "I'm black and Jewish. I play ball like LeBron and I know what a W-2 is." The sketch also featured the smoothly-handled debut of new cast-member Sasheer Zamata, who is SNL's first black female performer since the departure of Maya Rudolph six years ago.
Drake's acting ability was obvious and he showed solid comedic timing and enthusiasm for his material, even if it didn't always merit so much excitement. He moved smoothly from playing A-Rod, to being Little Wayne starring as Urkel, to perfectly mimicking a Disney World "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" show host.
During "Weekend Update," Jacqueline Bisset [Vanessa Bayer] was called to the desk a couple of times before eventually making it. And when he started to answer a question from Seth Meyers, the music began to play and the newscast was finished. The best line of the newscast came from an item discussing the recent sale of "Chuck E. Cheese" for $1.3 billion. The pizza chain's mouse now wants to be known as "Charles:"
Nancy Grace's fear of legalized pot in Colorado sparked a sketch that included her interviewing a Space Cake-making baker who was "pro pot" who last week made $650,000. "I'm Walter White and this is Baking Bad," the baker - McKinnon - said. Katt Williams [Drake] told Grace "it's a mother-loving utopia up here." Grace kept pleading: "What about the babies?"
A "Resolution - Revolution" video showed the pitfalls of New Year's resolutions, including losing weight, which ended in a pile of doughnuts, no more gambling, smoking, drinking and sex toys.
The show's female cast members gathered for a pre-teen slumber party, with Drake acting as a bothersome father who turned on one of the girls [Aidy Byrant]. "If you're looking for your Dad, he's the palm of my hand."
Drake handled the musical side of his double-duty night by performing "Started From the Bottom" and "Trophies." JhenĂ© Chilombo joined him for the later performance, which was a literal show-stopper for both. "Tell Lorne to cut to a commercial break, love, so we can make love."
Jonah Hill hosts next week with Bastille performing.
Got a news tip, want to let me know directly what you think, or have a complaint or compliment about my "aggressively relevant" content, hit me up on our Obnoxious Boston Fan Facebook page, on Twitter @realOBF or e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Thanks always for reading and pass the clicker.
The author is solely responsible for the content.