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SNL: Bolt adds jolt to Ryan-Biden VP debate; Christina Applegate hosts (Video)

Posted by Obnoxious Boston Fan  October 13, 2012 11:34 PM

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Politics are often a game of expectations. The most-anticipated "Saturday Night Live" political debate sketch since George W. Bush and Al Gore rambled it out in 2000 delivered as expected this week as Joe Biden and Paul Ryan went one-on-one with a little help from Martha Raddatz and the real Usain Bolt. It was Bolt's appearance at the end that added the perfect twist to the almost-too-funny-to-lampoon real-life debate between Biden and Ryan the occurred last week in Kentucky.

Raddatz (played by up-and-coming, first-year cast member Kate McKinnon) took control of this version of last Thursday's debate early and managed to rein in the bombastic vice president (Jason Sudeikis). She assured both candidates that "your performance tonight is extremely unlikely to affect the outcome of the election so have fun with it."

Biden went on the attack against the Wisconsin congressman (Taran Killam) during Ryan's opening statement, hitting Ryan with the "malarkey" line. When Ryan explained "malarkey" was Irish. Biden blurted: "No, Irish is I come over and smack that dumb look off your face." Raddatz then scolded both - in R-rated terms - that she was no Jim Lehrer. Later, when Ryan told Biden that his hometown had a high unemployment rate, Biden chortled: "Things may be bad where you live, but I guarantee you it is a paradise next to the burning coal heap that is Scranton, Pennsylvania...Walking Dead" would make a good tourism ad for Scranton. If you went to the lowest circle of Hell, you still would be 45 minutes outside of Scranton. I grew up there, I love it. It's the single worst place on earth."

Biden later hit back on Ryan by warning: "You don't scare me shark eyes...You think you're tougher than me because you do the P90X workout and you're younger than me. There's gym strong and old-man strong...When the Amtrak breaks down on my morning commute - I strip down to my tighty-whities. I push that b---h all the way to Washington. I am monkey strong, brother."

Ryan chugged water throughout the contest and even took a few hits from a gerbil feeder. Raddatz was so on her game in SNL's debate that she correctly set-up the league championship series - naming all four teams during Thursday's debate before two (the Yankees and Cardinals) had advanced Friday - while prefacing a question about abortion. She didn't make any mention about Derek Jeter's upcoming broken left ankle suffered in the 12th inning of Saturday night's 6-4 loss to the Tigers. Biden told young people worried about Social Security that "big daddy Joe's got your back."

Ryan closed the debate by telling voters that "nothing's impossible." To prove it, he not only ran a marathon in under three hours and completed a sub-four-minute mile, but also won the 100-meter dash at the summer Olympics thanks in part to his training partner - Bolt. When asked Ryan asked Bolt "Who won the 100 meters?" the Jamaican gold-medalist answered simply. "I did." Ryan followed up by asking Bolt about his finish. "You didn't finish. You weren't even there," Bolt said.

"The Californians" returned early in the show - with Bolt making a cameo in that sketch, as well. Bolt wasn't the only sports figure who appeared like a bolt of lightning during the show. The folks at Gillette can't be happy about the appearance of convicted child molester and former Penn State assistant coach Jerry Sandusky (Sudeikis) in a filmed commercial spot for the new "Gillette Fusion ProGlide Styler" razor showing off his style while wearing a prison jump suit and handcuffs.

Host Christina Applegate brought up baseball in her monologue, as well. "Congratulations to the Yankees for advancing, It's nice to see the underdog win once in a while," she said. Applegate also hosted in SNL 1993, when she "was 10" and reminded viewers that it was the same night as Chris Farley's "Matt Foley Motivational Speaker" character debuted.

(Quick aside: Farley lived on the same dorm floor as yours truly when we were both sophomores at Marquette University (a year after Doc Rivers left MU to enter the NBA draft). Farley was as sophomoric and funny in real life as he was on the screen during his SNL and Hollywood (for the most part) days. Read "The Chris Farley Show: A Biography In Three Acts" by his brother, Tom Farley, for an insightful, wholly accurate and informative look at his tragically-short life.)

During a politically-laced "Weekend Update," Seth Meyers reported that Biden prepared for Thursday night's debate by "shotgunning Red Bull and watching Yosemite Sam cartoons." In the "Truth Is Stranger than Fiction Department" the real-life Barack Obama for President ad featuring Mitt Romney and Big Bird aired (at least in parts of Florida), as well, despite pleas from the creators of Sesame Street that it be pulled. The same ad was also mentioned during Meyers' report. Nasim Pedrad dead-ringered Arianna Huffington while serving as a surrogate for the Obama campaign slamming Ryan and Romney for their positions on several social and reproductive-rights issues.

The best non-political sketch of the week (above) saw three whining geeks skewered when they had to deal with peasant workers from the Apple factory in China where their iPhones were made during "Tech Talk." After one of the techno-nerds complained about the waiting time outside the store to buy the iPhone, a worker (Fred Armisen) pointed out that his colleague (Pedrad) "had to wait 21 days in line for baby formula." When asked in turn to complain about an American product - one the of Chinese workers (Arimsen) asked: "What does America make? Does diabetes count as a product?"

Viewers were also given a hilarious sneak preview of "Give Us All Our Daughters Back" starring Denzel Washington, Liam Neeson, Uma Thurman, Mel Gibson, Steven Seagal and a special guest appearance of Arnold Schwarzenegger that featured over "45 minutes of threatening phone calls."

As the great Al Bundy would say, Applegate (the former Kelly Bundy) is "one funny broad." She was a perfect fit in many of her roles Saturday night. The co-star of "Up All Night" also showed her musical side during her opening "Mid-October" dance routine, a singing sirens sketch and channeled her inner-Kristen Wiig in a dancing-school sketch that closed the show.

Cambridge-based Passion Pit was the musical guest ("Take A Walk" was powerfully performed) and Bruno Mars hosts and sings next week.

Don't forget to join us Sunday at 4 p.m. for our in-game Patriots-Seahawks fan chat. As always, let us know what you think. Post your thoughts here, on our Obnoxious Boston Fan Facebook page or e-mail me obnoxiousbostonfan@hotmail.com. And don't forget to follow us on Twitter @realOBF.

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Obnoxious Boston Fan offers a fun, unique and biting perspective on the Red Sox, Celtics, Bruins, Patriots and whatever else people are talking about in the world of sports. We More »
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