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Mad Men: Don Draper, Tiger Woods & Co.

Posted by Obnoxious Boston Fan  March 25, 2012 11:48 PM

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Don Draper.jpg

Don Draper returned to our screens after a year-and-a-half absence on the same day Tiger Woods bagged his first PGA tournament trophy in 30 months. Fancy that. This moment was not brought to you by Cialis, but it could have.

It was a weekend for "Mad Men" and bad boys.

Draper had Sterling, Cooper, Draper, Pryce back on our collective radar.

Tiger roared again.

Rick Pitino slid his Louisville Cardinals to a matchup with Kentucky for a shot at the national title.

Looks like Kobe is in for a great spring.

Tiger Woods 2012 Bay Hill Victory.jpg

This isn't what the NCAA had in mind when they coined the term "Women's Final Four." This weekend of philanderer dominance set the push for gender equity back 1,000 years. Maybe Newt Gingrich should ask for a recount in Louisiana.

But not even Draper's charm - featured throughout a sub-par "Mad Men" episode full of holes and missing details after 18 months of visual abstinence on our end - could outshine the resurrection of Tiger atop the PGA and golf world leaderboard.

Tiger tore up Bay Hill, winning there for the seventh time, for his 72nd pro victory. Seventy-two is probably the over/under on extramarital dalliances that we'll read about in Hank Haney's "The Big Miss" when the Tiger tattle-tale is released Tuesday. There should be no holes left in Woods' story once we finish that read. Haney was Tiger's swing coach from 2004-10. Tiger never needed a swingers coach. It's been a long 30 months for Tiger since his last legit PGA win and, as Roger Maltbie referred to it during Sunday's telecast, "The Incident." You know, that "incident" where Tiger ran down an innocent fire hydrant, got chased out of his marriage after being linked to half the single women on the internet, got house calls from a Canadian doctor accused of blood-doping and saw his game disintegrate.

The infamous Perkins near Tiger's old home is gone and will become a sportsbar soon. That - along with a move to Jupiter (Florida) from his own private Venus - has allowed him to focus on his short game, so to speak. The angry Tiger was back this week, which fit the "p---ed-off" feline theme with the news that lion target Chad Ochocinco will be back with the Patriots for a discount next season.

Tiger's ex-wife Elin Nordegren ex has moved on and so have we. No one rooted for or against Tiger because he won the all those trophies for being Husband of the Year. Tiger heads into the Master's on a one-tournament winning streak. Golf hasn't been this exciting or entertaining since this:

Pitino never went for "40 minutes of hell" but he sure enjoyed his "15 seconds of fury." He's bigger in Louisville than Churchill Downs this week. In the mind of most forgiving fans, Tiger's scarlet letter won't fully disappear until he gets another Green Jacket. But he was the toast of the town he left behind Sunday. Draper (not his real name) married his secretary, fell in love with the widow of the man whose ID he stole and has a list of conquered territory by rivaled only by Tiger, Alexander the Great and Bill Clinton. But female viewers can't get enough Hamm. Heck, he's so smooth I'm ready to take up smoking before, during and after.

All three came back showing all the confidence and none of the shame that would saddle mere mortals after such public (real or fictional) humiliation. And they all took the ultimate refuge of the scoundrel - hiding behind their kids. Pitino said "this is my happiest moment, other than the birth of my six kids, since '87" after Saturday's win over the Florida Gators. Six kids? Do the math - those were the most productive 90 seconds in the history of human population growth. If that wasn't brazen enough, Pitino referred to UF coach Billy Donovan as "my seventh child." The big three are not walking through that door, but something is kicking around in my stomach. Too bad Pitino could never reach the Final Four of the NBA's Atlantic Division with the Celtics.

Draper began this week's episode with his three kids, making them breakfast while they stayed over at his swank mid-town apartment with his new wife/current secretary. The 40th birthday was hitting him hard. Life is so tough.

And Tiger, too, is probably a good dad. Following his Bay Hill triumph, Tiger, who virtually ignored everything in Orlando except that fire hydrant at end of his driveway during his decade-plus living here, did acknowledge the crowd's support and noted the proximity of Bay Hill to his old Isleworth home by saying "both my kids were born here."

As long as Tiger keeps winning, Pitino keeps playing and Draper keeps bringing in the clients, we'll be in their corner.

Shame on us.

As always, let us know what you think. Post your thoughts here, on our Obnoxious Boston Fan Facebook page or e-mail them to me at obnoxiousbostonfan@hotmail.com. And don't forget to follow us on Twitter @realOBF. Thanks for reading. Pass the clicker.

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