The Red Sox sent their Facebook fans this video holiday message Friday from Bobby Valentine in the wake of their "Rudolph" fiasco:
Meanwhile, we decided to take a Christmas classic and add our own little twist:
Twas right before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was clicking, not even Carmine's mouse.
The Sox had been hung out to dry in a collapse so rare,
As fans waited with hope that more pitching could come here.
Red Sox Kid Nation nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Roy Oswalt danced in their heads.
And John in his ascot, and fans in pink caps,
Had just ordered their bricks like good little saps.
When out on Yawkey Way arose such a clatter,
We sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to our iPads and laptops we flew like a flash,
We clicked on redsox.com for tickets and dumped all our cash.
Thanks to Lackey and Crawford and all their dough
There would be no luster on any fancy objects to show.
We waited in vain for some help to appear,
But all we got was a manager with a shiny veneer.
With a big flashy smile, so lively and quick,
Media and fans quickly ate up Bobby V's schtick.
With praise and celebration all those reports came,
And we're left with the lineup that went down in flames!
If 7-20 didn't sicken, we had beer and fried chicken!
You look at right field and say "We Miss Trot Nixon"!
We can't wait for 2012 after 2011's great fall!
The offseason's been weak, the moves so small!
Larry runs the Red Sox, Young Ben won't even try,
When they needed a manager his picks didn't fly.
They paraded in Ben's choices but we all knew,
That Dale Sveum and Lamont just wouldn't do
And then, in a twinkling, we all heard the scoop,
Larry pulled the trigger - Bobby V would lead the troop.
As we gathered in front of NESN and all around,
Through the door came the wrap's inventor with a bound.
He proudly wore the Sox uniform, from head almost to foot,
And back of jersey had No. 25 - for Tony C. he put.
A bundle of cliched quotes he flung from days gone back,
He spoke like a salesman, dissin' the Yankees with smack.
His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
We saw on You Tube he could dance like a Sugar Plum Fairy!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And his pearly teeth were as white as the snow.
He flew to the Dominican to try and keep Papi,
And once he meets Crawford, he plans to keep him happy.
We don't know who will be closing the games on our telly,
And those gaps in the rotation are outright smelly.
The Red Sox have banked so much on this elf,
Can he alone make them contend - Ask yourself?
The Angels got Pujols and Wilson to move ahead
Without more pitching 2012 will bring Boston plenty of dread.
Bobby V will speak plenty of words before he gets to work,
And if you don't believe the tall tales you'll be called a jerk.
The Sox have ditched the deadwood, heaven knows,
but they'll have to do much more before the truck goes.
It's only two months before they blow the whistle,
And the Red Sox shake off the weeds and the thistle.
But now it's time to exclaim after such a long fight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"
(With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore - who lived in New York but probably wasn't a Yankees fan since he died in 1863. Here's the link to order the Red Sox stocking above, it should arrive in plenty of time for Christmas - 2012.)
As always, let us know what you think. Post your thoughts here, on our Obnoxious Boston Fan Facebook page or e-mail them to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. And don't forget to follow us on twitter @realOBF. Thanks for reading. Pass the clicker.
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