Can't campaigns do better than this?
Dear Fellow Ordinary Citizens: You probably have noticed there’s an election coming up. One way is that various youthful media consultants have grabbed you on the street and asked you to be an “average voter” in a commercial. First of all, where do you get off calling anyone else “average,” Spanky? You’re out there with your BlackBerry and video recording thingamabob and blogging whatchamacallit, and I’ve got political wounds that are older than your parents. Remember President Udall? Or Governor Harshbarger? I didn’t think so. I’ve been picking losing candidates since before you knew where your toes were. That aside, it’s time for me and all my FOCs to boycott all those “average folks” political ads. First of all, I don’t care what somebody standing in front of some Dunkin’ Donuts thinks about a candidate. (Nor should that person care what I think about a candidate, either. We should both shut up and complain about the T.) Very likely, and even cynically assuming they’re all actors for hire, this person knows approximately as much about the candidate in question as I know about the mayor of Ulan Bator. So we all play telephone with one another and then the candidate pops in at the end and tells us he or she approves of it all. Darned big of the candidate, I say. How about we reverse it? The candidate comes on first, and then we all get to say whether or not we approve of him?
Charles P. Pierce / email@example.com