If Boston Wins the 2024 Summer Olympics, Get Ready for #BostonProblems

The Olympic cauldron burns following the opening ceremonies to the 2012 Summer Olympics in London on Saturday, July 28, 2012. (AP Photo/The Canadian Press, Sean Kilpatrick)
The Olympic cauldron burned following the opening ceremonies to the 2012 Summer Olympics in London.

Get ready, Boston. We’re on the short list of US cities that could host the 2024 Summer Olympic Games, a feat that would be both an incredible honor and an utter catastrophe for our fair city.

If you’ve ever lived in or spent an extended period of time visiting Boston, you’re aware it is a city that, in its current state, is in no way meant to host a large-scale sporting and media event. With our quirky street layout and lack of space to construct new stadiums, there’s little doubt that the Hub would get its own version of the #SochiProblems treatment.

In fact, the frustration with a Boston Olympics has already begun, and those complaining have made some good points:

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1. Our completely incomprehensible accents.

2. Our horrendous public transportation.

3. The completely unpredictable weather. (The Olympics would begin in March, when it’s either 30 degrees or 80 degrees, and end in April, when it’s either snowing or beach weather.)

Actually, if we’re ever going to get the Olympics, 2024 might be our best bet. Scientists predict that Boston will be experiencing frequent flooding by 2050.

Womp wo—wait, no. Blub blub (we will be under water after all).

With so much land potentially disappearing by 2050, is it really worth investing all this time and energy into hosting the Olympics? Of course not!

We can just host our own version of the Games with events like foot races against the Green Line and hailing a cab Downtown after midnight. It’ll be fun, we promise!