Stupid ‘Hero Cat’ Gets Stupid, Impossible First Pitch Honor

Tara, a cat from Bakersfield, California that was seen on video running into a dog that was attacking a boy, is being honored next week by a minor league baseball team.

KERO 23, a local ABC affiliate, reported that the Bakersfield Blaze will welcome Tara to throw out the first pitch at their game on May 20.

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There are a lot of things wrong with this, so let’s start with the most obvious: Stop calling this cat a hero. It is not a hero. We don’t know what motivated her to act. Who knows? Tara may just have an affinity for running headlong into the side of dogs. She may have thought the whole thing was some kind of game. She may have seen it as a chance to cash in like Meatball did when he got a year’s supply of treats for warning some people in France about a fire. There’s simply no way of knowing, and it’s obnoxious to cheapen the word hero by bestowing it upon an animal incapable of higher thinking.

Secondly, why is this cat even such a big deal? Plenty of animals save people on a daily basis. Like the 16-year-old dog who died fending off a wild wolf in March in order to protect its owner. Or the dog from Shropshire, England who saved her owner’s life — not once but twice — most recently by using the Heimlich maneuver last month. Or Major, a dog from Ohio that called 911 when his owner (a Marine veteran) had a seizure last week. Or the Texas pooch who helped guide his blind owner to safety when their home was on fire on Saturday. Or the number of cats that probably do good deeds but don’t get attention because Tara the selfish attention hog is burying all their stories. This kind of thing happens all the time — Tara is not special.

Oh, and third, how the heck is this going to even work? Assuming Tara’s anatomy hasn’t changed drastically since the video came out, she will not be able to throw anything resembling a pitch. Will her owner simply rub the ball on her face before throwing it for her? Will she push it with her nose? Will she carry it to home plate in her mouth? How will the team make sure she doesn’t run head-first into the catcher? She has a history of running into things, you know.

All in all, this seems like a stupid idea for a stupid cat that’s probably just a jerk in disguise.