1. DON’T WORRY, VALENTINE’S DAY IS ALMOST OVER. You either love Valentine’s Day or you hate it. It used to be called Saint Valentine’s Day, but those days are long gone. If you’re all alone this year, you might consider investing in this pillow, which comes with a mouth attached to it. If you’re not alone, and really cheap, and you live in Tampa, how about a romantic dinner for two at McDonald’s? Love is definitely in the air among politicians, but not every Washington love story can be quite this amazing. Imagine if your elected officials were this entertaining on Twitter. The FAA continues to rain on the commercial drone parade. This time they grounded a flower delivery drone. Imagine all the inadvertent games of footsie that could result if you sat at one giant desk with all your co-workers. Only 54% of men say they would take a male birth control pill. Is anyone working on a pill to control terrible press releases? Speaking of terrible press releases, Valentine’s day seems like the perfect day to announce the important news about what has to consistently be one of the shadier places in any city: the men’s bathroom at a train station.
2. END OF DAYS. The storms that ravaged the east coast resulted in at least 21 deaths. A pileup in Pennsylvania involved somewhere between 30 and 100 cars. President Obama traveled to California to address that region’s drought. Meanwhile, the United Kingdom is flooded. A volcano in Indonesia erupted, causing all kinds of chaos. Curious what happens when you don’t get the measles vaccination and you do ride public transportation and then you do get measles? You put tons of people at risk. Vaccination rates in California are low, thanks to social norms. As bad as things are, they could always be worse. At least Boston doesn’t have a man-eating tiger roaming the streets and intermittently eating people.
3. WHAT NOT TO DO. Norwegians aren’t making great decisions these days. A man in prison for killing 77 people is demanding a PlayStation3 and a comfortable sofa. What I don’t get is why he didn’t ask for a PlayStation 4. An enterprising young Norwegian boy stole his parents’ car and drove around with his 18-month old sister in the backseat. When police pulled him over, he explained that he was not, in fact, a child, but rather a dwarf who forgot his license. Dunkin’ Donuts will not be messed with. The company cancelled all its advertising on Boston sports station WEEI after on-air host Gerry Callahan talked smack about their product. This story might make you think twice the next time you’re considering calling 911. And this story might make you think twice before asking a municipality to construct anything other than an obstacle course.
4. ARE THE OLYMPICS OVER YET? Matt Lauer is tired. Really, really tired. Did the Russians sabotage the Canadians in the Olympic luge relay? The Canadian coach thinks so. I’m not naming any names, but there have been some discussions among media types employed by a certain news organization about whether or not figure skating is a sport. The answer is yes. I mean, it’s harder than hockey! And there’s no denying the outfits are way better. They are also really, really expensive. Does being an Olympic athlete with the last name “Gold” increase your chances of winning a gold medal? It would appear it does not. Do they test for drugs prior to Olympic events? It would appear they do not. In just a week, the Sochi Olympics will come to an end. What happens to Olympic venues once the crowds disperse? The answer, in this series of sad photos.
5. ALSO … Is it time to change the name of Yawkey Way? Michael Sam’s publicist is responding to interview requests with poems inspired by Dr. Seuss. Pepsi is getting sick of making soda, so they’re branching out and coming up with new snack products you can incorporate into your unhealthy diet. A study estimates that 10,000 tweets per day include racial slurs. I’m actually surprised it isn’t more than that. The Monica Lewinsky scandal has been resurrected, thanks to a possible 2016 presidential contender. Also being resurrected? Beetlejuice. Why is your hair curly? Because, science. Our planet is pretty strange, but life on other planets is probably much, much stranger. Being born without a brain won’t get you out of Florida’s standardized testing requirement. You’re gonna want to watch Meet the Press on Sunday. NBC will air a debate between Bill Nye (the Science Guy) and climate-change-denying Republican Congresswoman Marsha Blackburn. This ought to be good. (Or bad, depending on how you feel about science.) While we still have winter, take a moment to enjoy these beautiful photos of what bitter cold does to the Great Lakes. They’re almost as beautiful as this. Another day, another media fight. It’s about time we lowered our “expections” for the media. More on Glenn Greenwald, known best as the man who brought us NSA leaker Edward Snowden. Ever wonder what it’s like to spend a week with Paula Deen? What about 36 hours with Donald Trump? And finally, an 800-lb snowball crashed into a college dorm.
Five@Five is a new feature that you can expect on this blog every weekday at 5 p.m.