Kevin Cullen

Marching to a dumb beat

Email|Print|Single Page| Text size + By Kevin Cullen
Globe Columnist / July 10, 2008

Unless you've been living under a rock, which is what the inside of my house looks like with the kids home for summer vacation, you've probably heard there was a spike in pregnancies at Gloucester High School.

This became a national cause célèbre after Time magazine quoted the Gloucester High principal as saying that some students made a pact to get pregnant.

Whatever happened to making plans to go to the mall?

It became one of those Silly Season stories that's a big deal because it's summer and there is little else to talk about, except the absolutely fabulous news that Kathie Lee Gifford is back on the air!

I don't know about you, but I tune in to "Today" every morning just to hear the latest on Kathie Lee's little scamps Cody, Cassidy, and Cuckoo. Kathie Lee and a lovely woman called Hoda with the unpronounceable last name of Kotb cohost the fourth and final hour of Today, and they talk about pedicures and all sorts of things. And I'm telling you, it is about as good as TV gets.

As far as I'm concerned, the Today show could run 24/7, and I'd watch every minute of it if Kathie Lee and Hoda were on. They're that good.

Anyway, back on the North Shore, it seems that even in swishy Beverly Farms they have television sets, or at least they have their servants read the morning newspaper aloud at breakfast, because some of the young people there got down from their ponies long enough to stuff pillows under their shirts to mock their low-rent peers in Gloucester while marching in "The Horribles," the over-the-top parade they have on July Fourth.

Now, apparently some people in Beverly Farms think this is funny. And, surely, no teenager in Beverly Farms has ever become pregnant out of wedlock because, well, those things don't happen to good families in good towns.

Not everybody thought mocking the pregnant Gloucester girls was funny. In fact, there are a lot of good people in Beverly Farms who thought it was in poor taste. But this is officially Silly Season in the papers and on television, so anything goes.

Speaking of which, the Herald had a front-page splash the other day in which an ex-stripper boasted about having an affair with our favorite Yankee, Alex Rodriguez.

I don't want to begrudge my pals, the Track Girls, their scoop, but wouldn't it have been a bigger deal if they had managed to find a stripper who hadn't had an affair with A-Rod? I'm just asking.

My favorite part of the story was when the ex-stripper said she felt bad about messing around with A-Rod because he was a married man. I'm sure she also felt bad about taking the grocery money from those drunken losers who stuffed cash in her G-string when she was "dancing" at that fine family establishment known as Centerfolds.

Back on the North Shore, or the Gold Coast, as they call it in Prides Crossing, it's really too bad that Kerry Healey, who lives in a gorgeous manse in Beverly Farms, didn't get elected governor, because part of her 1,000-point plan to get tough on crime was a bill that would make it illegal for rich people to make fun of poor ones.

Or was it the other way around?

I forget.

Anywho, a friend of mine from Gloucester who used to be a lobsterman and was known to take a drink in any number of local gin mills claims that some people in Beverly Farms were once so fond of his type that they used to have signs posted outside their gated estates specifically for Gloucesterites. The signs said: DELIVERIES AT REAR.

More proof, as if any was needed, that you can buy into a classy neighborhood, but you can't buy class.

Kevin Cullen is a Globe columnist. He can be reached at

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