Excuse me, I have no moral values?
I WOKE UP on Nov. 3 and discovered that I had no moral values.
The day before, I had voted in the presidential election for the party that strives to protect the the weak and the poor. Over the years, my party has sought to protect the minorities in our society from the tyranny of the majority.
As a state of moral bankruptcy enveloped me, I performed a self-evaluation. Then, alas, the road to salvation was clear. I would simply look the country in the eye and tell my fellow Americans that we must invade and conquer Iraq to ensure the survival of our nation.
Next, I would travel the country to find and asist those poor folks whose marriages have been diminished by same-sex marriage.
Finally, I would deplete my savings through large cash gifts to the uber rich "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" crowd like Mitt Romney, Craig Benson, and George W., just knowing full well that it would be more valuable when it trickled back my way.