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The Onion takes on Boston nightlife, is not completely off base

Posted by Karyn Polewaczyk  March 8, 2013 08:40 AM

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“My favorite part is when those little guys and gals head out to bars on the weekend like they’re experiencing real nightlife!” he added. “Gets me every time.”

So said Michael Goodman, The Onion’s faux interviewee who took faux stabs at every aspect of “Hub” living, from its public transportation, job market, culture and nightlife (natch) in an article published on Wednesday that’s set Boston abuzz. (Even this blog’s host had something to say about it.) The nightlife, it seems, was of particular focus; we corn-fed Bostonians sure love our theater and fancy dinners at Top of the Hub, by golly!

Satire aside, The Onion wasn’t completely off base: our nightlife is sleepy, even Puritanical, and despite the surge of recent openings and renovations conducted by hospitality heavyweights, it will never compare to places like New York and L.A. (and yes, even Chicago). Groups like Future Boston Alliance are aiming to change that; in the meantime, if we really wanted to stay out until 5 A.M. or pay thousands of dollars for bottle service, wouldn’t we enact a mass exodus to a place that has it?

No, we wouldn’t, because we’re not just Bostonians; we’re New Englanders. We gripe about early closing times and the lack of happy hours the same way we bemoan the heat at the height of summer, only to look back fondly on sweltering humidity in the dead of winter. Misery loves company, and we love playing martyrs as much as we love our Dunkin’ Donuts coffee. So what if the streets are practically empty past 10 P.M. on a Tuesday night (or even a Friday night, in some cases)? We like our cozy nook of the country just the way it is, thank you very much—and without the constant glare of flashing disco balls. They're awfully bright, you know.

This blog is not written or edited by or the Boston Globe.
The author is solely responsible for the content.

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About this blog

Karyn Polewaczyk lives and writes in Boston, and believes that heading out into that good night, like any adventure, begins with the first step. Let's Go Out is a conversation about dating and nightlife in our notoriously chilly city, with first-hand tips from the trenches. Karyn's writing, which focuses largely on women's lifestyle topics, has appeared in the Weekly Dig, Jezebel, xoJane, Northshore Magazine and, among others. Follow her on Twitter at @KarynPolewaczyk.

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