Etiquette at work
Not only do readers send in questions, but they also offer opinions or suggestions based on the answers given in this space. This week and next, the column will feature some of these responses.
Y.F. of Sacramento asked what to do if you should receive an invitation that specifies ''no gifts." The column's advice: When you're asked not to bring a gift, honor the wishes of the host and don't bring one. If you do bring a gift, other guests could end up feeling annoyed at being upstaged, since they -- as requested -- came empty-handed.
B.Y., of Tubac, Ariz., offered the following alternative: ''A gracious way around that problem is to bring one perfect rose (or some other favorite flower). Not a costly gift, but a nice gesture."
A.W. of Green Bay, Wis., asked about titles. ''When writing to someone who claims the title 'Esquire,' I was taught to leave off the designations Mr., Mrs., or Ms. Also, what is the proper usage of Esquire when sending an invitation to a couple?"
The answer noted that ''Esquire" is a professional designation in the legal arena, not a social designation. It went on to explain that the courtesy titles of Mr. and Mrs. are not used if you're including ''Esquire" after the person's name. Finally, the column pointed out that ''Esquire" should never be used when writing to a lawyer and his or her spouse. Instead, the couple should be addressed as Mr. and Mrs. Robert Jones.
But J.B., of Amherst, disagreed and offered up what he would do. ''I strongly encourage you to advise readers to use a less sexist form of address. My wife and I are very offended when we get mail addressed to Mr. and Mrs., Dr. and Mrs., or Mrs. Robert Jones. Wives have identities independent of their husbands, and should be addressed with the same respect as men. I realize your great-grandmother would have disagreed, but times have changed. Thanks for your consideration in helping to change the world, one little item at a time."
FYI (from Peter Post): In situations where you want to address an envelope using both married individuals' first names and if they go by the same last name, the woman's name comes first: Nancy and Robert Jones.
If the couple goes by different last names (honorific titles are optional depending on the formality of the situation): Ms. (not Mrs.) Nancy Shaw and Mr. Robert Jones. If the couple is living together but not married, the envelope is addressed to both people using separate lines (honorific titles are optional):
Ms. Nancy Shaw
Mr. Robert Jones
E-mail questions about business etiquette to bizmanners@globe.com; fax to 617-929-3183; or mail to Etiquette at Work, The Boston Globe, P.O. Box 55819, Boston, MA 02205-5819. Readers whose questions are published will receive a copy of Peggy and Peter Post's book, ''The Etiquette Advantage in Business." Listen to Peter's advice at boston.com/business/podcast.
