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Monday question: Reluctant bridesmaid

Posted by Robin Abrahams  February 6, 2012 06:49 AM

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How about a good old-fashioned wedding dilemma to start off the week?

About two years ago, a friend got engaged and asked me to be in her wedding. We were college buddies (but by no means very close), and I was excited for her but a bit shocked when she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I said yes, more out of surprise than anything. I'll admit, I wasn't totally sure but I was afraid of hurt feelings. I honestly thought it would peter out and I'd be free of the obligation (stupid me). So, things have progressed along and the wedding is in a few months.

I've already bought the dress and the shoes, but as the date closes in I am increasingly uncomfortable with being involved. I have certainly drifted apart from the bride (we barely speak, and when we do it's in regards to wedding things) and despite my best efforts I am having a hard time getting along with the other bridesmaids. I am certainly the odd one out in this group, for many reasons.

So, I'm wondering if it is possible to excuse myself from the wedding party/wedding itself in a polite way? Or am I stuck with this til the bitter end?

What do you think, dear readers? I'll share my own advice and opinions on Friday.

And come back during the week! I have much news to share -- and theater tickets to give away!

This blog is not written or edited by or the Boston Globe.
The author is solely responsible for the content.

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About Miss Conduct
Welcome to Miss Conduct’s blog, a place where the popular Boston Globe Magazine columnist Robin Abrahams and her readers share etiquette tips, unravel social conundrums, and gossip about social behavior in pop culture and the news. Have a question of your own? Ask Robin using this form or by emailing her at

Who is Miss Conduct?

Robin Abrahamswrites the weekly "Miss Conduct" column for The Boston Globe Magazine and is the author of Miss Conduct's Mind over Manners. Robin has a PhD in psychology from Boston University and also works as a research associate at Harvard Business School. Her column is informed by her experience as a theater publicist, organizational-change communications manager, editor, stand-up comedian, and professor of psychology and English. She lives in Cambridge with her husband Marc Abrahams, the founder of the Ig Nobel Prizes, and their socially challenged but charismatic dog, Milo.

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