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Loser : Miss Conduct :: Winner : Fillyjonk

Posted by Robin Abrahams  February 25, 2009 06:44 AM

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By the way, I really have no idea what happened to the blog last week, people. Sorry about that. I just wasn't feeling it. Maybe it was the relatively warmer, sunnier weather that gave me a burst of spring fever. Anyway, not only didn't I post much, but I didn't even select the best answer to the Emancipation v. Evolution Love Smackdown! Quelle loseur, moi.

My choice, by the way, would be Abey Baby. Lizb nailed it about the beard being a major issue, for one thing. Considering he's the guy who figured out we're related to apes, Darwin didn't seem to be that big on grooming. Lincoln's no male model, but at least he looked natty, as befits a tall thin president from Illinois. More to the point, though, I think Lincoln would be a much better conversationalist--witty and thoughtful and eloquent, with a broad range of interests and experiences. At least a better conversationalist from my point of view, anyway. Mary says that she "could listen to Darwin talk passionately about the beak length of finches for hours on end." Good for Mary! Abe and I will be at the bar talking theater. I seem to recall he was a fan.

Also, Lincoln apparently didn't have a problem with, shall we say, complicated women.

I'm awfully sympathetic to Colleen's concern:

But the clincher is that Lincoln was a full foot taller than I am and, as I know from experience, having to gaze deeply into your date's nipples instead of his eyes seriously diminishes the evening's romantic potential.

... but you can't have everything.

For the best answer to the contest, though, I choose Fillyjonk, because her "looking at his tongue in a hand mirror" line made me spit up tea. Here's her full response:

I'm a fan of Darwin, run-on sentences and all, but I think the people opting for Chuck don't know much about Darwin the man. Abe was clever, calm, and expansive; Charles was anxious, neurotic, and preoccupied with his ill health. Abe would take you to a John Hodgman reading and then out for ice cream, Charles would take you to Chili's and spend the whole time looking at his tongue in a hand mirror. Sure, if you ever went back to his house he'd turn out to have lots of great creepy taxidermy and volumes of brilliance in Big Chief tablets under his bed -- and to be fair to the man he was a devoted-to-the-point-of-neurosis father. But you WOULDN'T go back to his house, let alone have children with him, because you already would have crawled out the bathroom window after the seventeenth time he asked you if you thought he looked a little jaundiced. And then you would have called Abe and gone to ride the bumper cars.

Now that is writing. Fillyjonk, you just won an advance copy of Mind Over Manners!

This blog is not written or edited by or the Boston Globe.
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About Miss Conduct
Welcome to Miss Conduct’s blog, a place where the popular Boston Globe Magazine columnist Robin Abrahams and her readers share etiquette tips, unravel social conundrums, and gossip about social behavior in pop culture and the news. Have a question of your own? Ask Robin using this form or by emailing her at

Who is Miss Conduct?

Robin Abrahamswrites the weekly "Miss Conduct" column for The Boston Globe Magazine and is the author of Miss Conduct's Mind over Manners. Robin has a PhD in psychology from Boston University and also works as a research associate at Harvard Business School. Her column is informed by her experience as a theater publicist, organizational-change communications manager, editor, stand-up comedian, and professor of psychology and English. She lives in Cambridge with her husband Marc Abrahams, the founder of the Ig Nobel Prizes, and their socially challenged but charismatic dog, Milo.

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