Mr. Tolstoy, meet the departmental hiring committee

Vladimir Nabokov is the best-known example of a literary genius forced to adapt to the mores, and confines, of academia. As he recalled in later life, after commercial success had freed him from the classroom, his literature courses at Cornell "irritated or puzzled such students of literature (and their professors) as were accustomed to 'serious' courses replete with 'trends,' and 'schools,' and 'myths,' and 'symbols,' and 'social comment' ." Nabokov's one subject, in the words of his biographer Brian Boyd, was "the enchantment of the novel," not a likely dissertation topic, either then or now.
The Times Literary Supplement reports that it has stumbled across some summaries, created by the hiring committees of various literature departments, of the job interviews of other literary geniuses. Some excerpts:
Name of applicant: Kafka, Franz
When reminded the position is full time, he asked about holding the overflowing "Introduction to German" classes at half for a term, to "test his nerves in monstrous daily life." The phrase strikes us as odd
Name of applicant: Tolstoy, Leo
While he scorned the beef sandwiches (although there were cheese and pickle too, and a vegan plate could have been ordered if he had made his dietary preferences clear), his chances truly began to go off when he asked the other candidates and staff how they intended to live moral lives.
Name of applicant: Dostoevsky, Fyodor
A contrast to the last Russian: overwrought as he opened the door; trembling as he took his seat; frantic before the first question; and cursing his assistant (who he called "slave"--not a good omen for graduate mentoring).
Name of applicant: Whitman, Walt
An exhibit for gender studies, but not a likely teacher of it.One commenter on the TLS article remarks that part of its subtitle, "Brilliant thinker, shame about the suit," is a touch off key, given the sartorial tendencies of professors. She writes: "Be assured that 'brilliant thinker, great suit' would certainly have seen the candidate shown the door even more rapidly."
Via The New Yorker's Book Bench
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