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Six Kickstarter premiums that nobody wants from Eugene Mirman's comedy festival

Posted by Carly Carioli  June 10, 2013 08:48 AM

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(Mirman Kickstarter Video. Pottymouth alert: High. If you're at work, insert earbuds.)

Lexington's EUGENE MIRMAN went to the same high school as Amanda Palmer. But that doesn't mean he's as good as her at Kickstarter. Palmer, famously, raised over a million dollars from fans to help fund an album and a tour. Mirman is trying to raise a modest $5000 to help offset the costs of throwing an awesome, surreal three-day comedy festival in Boston. As we hit send on this post he's less than halfway to his goal with less than a week remaining. Previously staged in such hipster-comedy-friendly towns as Seattle and Brooklyn, the Eugene Mirman Comedy Festival "is the world’s first sincere-and-ironic comedy festival and celebrates a close-knit comedy community, while making fun of the trappings of comedy festivals." It's scheduled for June 28-30 at the Wilbur Theater in Boston and the Sinclair in Cambridge.

Mirman has lots of hilarious friends, many of whom take a fraction of their normal fees in order to keep the ticket prices down. Still, without Kickstarter funds there'll be less in the kitty for the bizarro-land absurdities that have graced previous festivals. According to the festival's Kickstarter description:

"With each festival we've done in the past we've always had lots of ideas for free, silly things we want to do and many work out. In years past we have had a petting zoo outside a venue, given out small appliances, had an awkward party bus, mimes, cotton candy machine, a pig roast, etc. So, without promising that we can definitely hire two men — one dressed as William Dawes and one dressed as Paul Revere — to make-out outside of one of the venues, we can certainly do our best, or at least provide free cotton candy and caviar to those who attend."

Are there limits to the practical efficiency of sincere and ironic Kickstarter premiums? The lack of funds drifting in suggests, y'know, maybe, but what's your point? If your point is that Eugene Mirman's Kickstarter is funny but not profitable, then you have just described the alternative comedy movement perfectly.

With that said, here are our five favorite unfunded premiums in Mirman's Kickstarter campaign. We'd dare you to pay for one, but what do we look like, his publicist?

1. Nobody wants Eugene Mirman to call them a racist.


However, eight people have donated $22 each to be referred to in the program as "A Classist, Privileged D**khead"

2. Nobody wants to go roller-skating with Eugene Mirman.


3. Nobody wants Eugene Mirman to braid their hair.


4. Nobody wants to ask someone out on a date by having Eugene Mirman call them.


5. Nobody wants to go to a comedy festival dressed in a trashbag. Even if the trashbag gets you into everything before everyone else.


6. Nobody wants Eugene Mirman to be their mail man.


Source: Eugene Mirman Comedy Festival Kickstarter

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