My Bloody Valentine 3D
'Bloody Valentine' in 3-D is eye-popping ... literally
Filmed in "REAL D," the new-ish spin on three-dimensional movie technology last seen in "Journey to the Center of the Earth 3-D," "My Bloody Valentine 3-D" delivers an impressive illusion of depth and eye-popping realism.
But 3-D fans with weak stomachs, beware. Much of that pop comes from heads severed by shovels, jets of blood, and eyeballs skewered on pickaxes.
The original "My Bloody Valentine" was released in 1981, back when horror franchises like "Friday the 13th" were just taking their baby steps. If you recall, the genre involves partying, sex-crazed teens who are stalked by a maniacal killer. The audience spends the movie wondering which of the local wing nuts lurks behind the mask.
Fans nostalgic for the genre might appreciate this attempt at resurrection. Director Patrick Lussier, who has helmed other hack-'n'-schlock sequels ("Dracula 2000," "The Prophecy 3: The Ascent"), begins his 3-D remake with a back story of drunk teens hacked to death in an abandoned coal mine. The killer? A freak wearing a jumpsuit and Darth Vader-like respirator. Flash-forward a decade: Survivor Tom Hanniger (Jensen Ackles from "Smallville"), now grown up, returns to town to sell the mine he has inherited and to visit his old flame Sarah (Jaime King of this year's "The Spirit"), who is now married to the town sheriff (Kerr Smith).
Of course, his return coincides with Valentine's Day. Naturally, the decapitations and disembowelments begin anew. Is our haunted boy the pickax-wielding menace? Or someone else? "My Bloody Valentine" may not be horribly acted, but in a post-"Scream" and post-"Scary Movie" era, it's difficult to squeeze any more blood from this low-brow/high-camp turnip. Lussier stages his movie not so much around nail-biting moments as novel ways to fling entrails at his viewers. But if you take pleasure in such mindless gore, there must be worse ways to spend 100 minutes.