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Hip replacements

OK, Madonna, we've got good news and bad news. Good: The teenage readers of ELLEgirl love you, babe. Bad: They've voted you one of the world's ''Coolest Old People."

This according to an international survey in the magazine's November issue, on newsstands now. Granted, at 47, Madonna is among the youngest oldies on the list -- she ranks seventh, between Karl Lagerfeld (67) and Mick Jagger (62). The dubious honor also goes to Clint Eastwood (75), Elvis Costello (51), Julie Andrews (70), and -- at number two -- Axl Rose (43). The number one internationally cool old person? According to ELLEgirl readers, it's ''Grandparents." Whose? Everyone's, we suppose.

An ELLEgirl publicist insists that the list is pure, compiled from write-in votes. As for the reasoning . . . we can only guess. But for the sake of today's youth, we can offer some contenders of our own.

JOANNA WEISS

Bob Dylan, 64
Reason: Martin Scorsese thinks he’s as worthy as the Dalai Lama.

Donald Rumsfeld, 73
Reason: Trust us, you don’t want this guy for your enemy.

Aaron Brown, 56
Reason: Anderson Cooper might have the sunken cheeks and salon hair, but nobody can work a pause like Aaron.

Oprah Winfrey, 51
Reason: One word, kids: omnimedia. Frankly, we’re surprised there’s not an OPRAHgirl already.

Nicollette Sheridan, 41
Reason: We should all be wearing roller skates and short-shorts at her age.

Rock climbs to the top of the box office

The Rock (left) didn't meet his doom at the box office, but neither did his new flick make a big bang over the weekend. ''Doom" debuted as the top movie with a modest $15.4 million, according to studio estimates. ''Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story," starring Kurt Russell and Dakota Fanning, opened in second place with $9.3 million. Charlize Theron's blue-collar drama ''North Country" premiered in fifth with $6.5 million.

He's a funny guy

Wild and crazy guy Steve Martin (right) was honored last night with the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, and on hand to salute the entertainer were actors Tom Hanks, Lily Tomlin, Diane Keaton, and Martin Short and musicians Paul Simon and Randy Newman. The event at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts will be broadcast on PBS Nov. 9.

Baby pictures go bye-bye

Pictures of Britney Spears's month-old baby have been stolen, according to the pop star's peeps. A press release issued over the weekend warned that dissemination of the purloined pics would be considered an ''invasion of privacy of Ms. Spears, Mr. [Kevin] Federline, and their infant son. . . . Anyone who publishes, sells, or otherwise exploits any of these images in any way will be subject to liability and damages for willful infringement of copyright," the statement said. The news of the reportedly stolen photos comes after the New York Post reported that Spears backed out of a deal to sell her baby's photos to People magazine. The singer nixed the reputed seven-figure payday, concerned she was ''selling out her baby," a source told the newspaper.

Cam'ron carjacking misfires

Rapper Cam'ron was shot and wounded during an apparent botched carjacking near a waterfront night spot in Washington, D.C., his manager said yesterday. The artist, who's recovering at Howard University Hospital, had stopped at a traffic light after midnight when a man attempted to steal his Lamborghini, said his manager, Big Joe.

FROM WIRE REPORTS

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